A Nepali Wedding

Posted on June 21, 2013 by Alan Stock

An old lady gives the bride a tika

Day 89 – Location: Karmidanda Village, Langtang Region; Nepal

29/11/12

In the morning we made some more butter. Later, Jhabraj called from school and asked me if I could go to today’s wedding in the village to take photos for the family. Happy for the invitation, I went along with Januka. The house turned out to be the one I’d visited on the first day in the village, where the woman had been recovering from being hit by a tree. At the end of the path leading to the house were two flower pots on either side with a piece of string between them creating a barrier. No-one would step over this, instead inching around the flower pots.

The girls guarding the entrance to the house!

A man I knew who has the look of a Nepali-Italian Mafioso greeted me and thanked me for coming. Bizarrely there was a double bed sitting out in the yard, with a collection of food, jugs and tika dyes. Soon the guests began to arrive. An oil lamp was placed below the string barrier and then it was broken as the first arrival, the groom’s father passed through it, greeted by a host of girls in traditional ornate dress. Guests filed into the yard, some receiving tikas at the flower pot gate. The groom, a mild faced man around 30 years old received a tika from the bride’s father.

Not quite what I was expecting to see in the yard!

The queue of guests stretches out to infinity!

The groom receives his tika from the bride’s father

A row of girls in the yard had lined up to offer wrapped presents to the brides father, who gave them all tikas. The whole wedding turned out to be a tika frenzy! The groom stood looking nervous and barely managed a smile for my photos.

Pretty nervous I think!

He was led to a chair in front of the assembled food and tika ingredients. The bride came out of the house, although she’s only 19 she looked about 25 and was wearing a red and golden dress with a red veil. She fixed a second garland of grass around the groom’s neck, bashing him accidently in her haste much to the amusement of the packed yard. Then the groom put a grass gardland on her, put a ring on her finger and then fastened a flashy gold watch to her wrist. They gave each other tikas.

A grass garland is affixed around the bride’s neck

The groom sat down and the bride’s father gave him another tika (see what I mean about tika frenzy), then stood and said a prayer under instruction from the priest. You wouldn’t know he was a priest by looking at him, a young chap wearing a puffy Adidas jacket and the traditional Nepali hat. He carried a prayer book and read out lines for the groom’s father to repeat. After more tikas a coconut was produced, blessed and given to the groom. Then milk and holy water was poured into his hand. The bride’s mother repeated this.

The priest on the left conducts the ceremony with the help of his prayer book

Now the bride, her sister, the groom and his father sat on the double bed and members of the family, friends and neighbours came forward one by one to give the bride and groom tikas and blessed their feet, which involved putting dye on them and pressing their head against the foot. The first was the bride’s grandmother, cursed with the common Nepali affliction of being permanently bent double.

The grandmother receives water for the blessing

During this someone waved from the crowd, Sophie had been let off school early to come and watch the wedding. Januka amused us by attaching a branch of leaves to her head to keep off the sun! There were more tika givings by the bride and groom to the relatives and then presents were brought forward to the couple, from the shape many seemed to be jugs and urns. Jhabraj arrived from school to watch.

Januka and her branch hat! Me and Sophie couldn’t stop laughing!

When I returned with a fresh camera battery the bride and groom separated to receive tikas and money from the rest of the congregation. Meanwhile the food started to appear. Leaf plates were handed out to the family not taking part in the ceremony and pots full of curries, rice, beans, vegetables and more were brought out to serve the guests. Me and Sophie had politely declined an offer for food but in typical Nepali fashion ten minutes later we were handed full plates and expected to eat! It was pretty good, especially the salted soya beans and pumpkin curry. We stuffed ourselves to bursting as another round of guests began to eat. Insistent women bearing pots of food forced top-ups upon us until we had to mime our stomachs exploding!

I can feel my health levels increasing just looking at it!

People started to leave and Jhabraj and Januka had vanished so we assumed the ceremony was over. We headed back to the house and chilled for the rest of the afternoon. Januka and Jhabraj arrived later and told us that the celebration wasn’t over and was still continuing over there. We could hear music pumping out over big speakers from the wedding house. Jhabraj told us about the background of the bride and groom. It was an arranged marriage. The groom was from a nearby village but now lives in Kathmandu. He is 30 years old and was looking for a virgin wife from his local area. His family knew the bride’s family in Karmidanda and they offered their daughter in marriage. For the bride’s family it’s a great deal (if you ignore the morals of arranged marriage) – the groom is rich, earning a great salary as he is a bodyguard for high-end clients. Normally the bride’s family would have to pay a dowry (marriage payment), but with the deal they didn’t need to pay anything. Even the marriage had been completely subsidized by the groom’s employers. The double bed in the yard was a gift to the couple from the bride’s family. They’d hired a truck which would ferry the couple, the bed and the other gifts back to Kathmandu that evening. Sophie asked what would happen to the bride now. At only 19 she was still in school but Jhabraj expected that would stop and become a housewife. Gone would be any dreams for a career or her own pursuits but she would be safe for money for the rest of

Onlookers at the ceremony

her life assuming her new husband kept in work, plus they could easily support a family. In the evening I played cards with Awijit.

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Would you like to stay in Karmidanda village with the Neupane family? Read on…

: Jhabraj at home

If you are thinking of visiting Nepal and would like to do a homestay with Jhabraj’s family and see his village, or you need an experienced trekking or private tour guide, Jhabraj is very happy to accommodate you. He can do tours anywhere around Nepal and for trekking, he is very experienced and a safe, responsible guide, having guided on all the major Nepali treks multiple times as a guide (including the popular Everest, Annapurna and Langtang treks). It is also possible to do some spectacular trekking in the Langtang area from his village area so you could always combine a homestay with a trek. Jhabraj charges very reasonable prices, he speaks good English, and you couldn’t meet a friendlier, more interesting and hospitable guy! Your enjoyment, satisfaction and safety are his primary concerns. Money that Jhabraj earns from visitors and clients goes towards the higher education of his children, which is extremely expensive for a village family. If you want to hear more, please contact me via this website and I will put you in touch with him. Highly recommended!

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Would you like to help Jhabraj’s village community of Karmidanda? Read on…

Like many outlying villages in Nepal, the village Karmidanda is extremely poor and the community has many serious problems as a result. Almost all the families here are in a lot of debt, living on the breadline on the meagre earnings they can eke out – most are farmers. Other avenues of work are simply not available up here and most families cannot afford to put their children into higher education to improve the cycle. Public welfare does not really exist in Nepal and the area only has one health clinic staffed by volunteers and supplied by charity. If a villager requires hospitisation the villagers have to pool together to get enough money to pay for an ambulance to take the patient 5 hours to Kathmandu and also pay the expensive hospital treatment fees, if they can afford it. The village school was built thanks to charitable efforts but staff wages are low, equipment and resources are always scarce and there are not enough teachers for the number of students. These are just some of the problems that the community has – yet despite the difficulties the community spirit is amazing here, people help each other, they have a smile on their face and they are welcoming and friendly. If you think that you can help with donations, volunteering (including English teaching at the school) or charitable projects, please get in touch. Jhabraj has many contacts and can direct you to the right people so you know your money or resources are going directly to the local community and no share is going into anyone elses’ pocket. Some charitable efforts have also been started by foreign visitors who have visited Jhabraj and decided to help the community of Karmidanda – please check out the following websites: (links coming soon!)

Shiba’s Traditional Nepali House

Posted on February 4, 2013 by Alan Stock

Day 50 – Pokhara Region, Nepal.

19/10/12

Today I had a nice surprise, a visit to a local Nepali house to see the tradional lifestyle. My choice of a quiet place paid off and I slept for about ten hours, playing catchup after the terrible sleeps I’d had on the trek. Whilst I was having breakfast Shiba arrived on a motorbike. The previous day he’d invited me to visit his house. This morning he was in town anyway so dropped by to see if I wanted to join him. As my Swiss friends were off to the Pagoda today, which I’d already seen, I had no plan and so hopped on Shibas motorbike (which he borrows from a friend), and set off through Pokhara. We stopped for him to pay his electric bill, the reason for his visit, and then went out of Pokhara on the usual beeping, swerving experience of motorbiking in Nepal.

At the next town, maybe an hour away, we stopped a few times for Shiba to shop, whilst I wandered around. At one stop I found a football match with lots of spectators. One side was all black men so maybe another country’s team was visiting. Shiba tied some chicken wire to the back of the bike, for his neighbor. At another stop I was waiting in a bus shelter and a friendly old man chatted to me in simple English. When he found out I was British he started listing footballer names. I said I lived in Manchester and had seen Man United play which made him incredibly happy. I got the impression maybe he thought I played for the team or knew them personally!

We headed out of town into the countryside, passing lots of people in their best clothes heading to a nearby temple, as part of the Daisain festival celebrations. The women wore bright green or red saris sparkling with gold and silver. The road got rougher as we wound through flat rice fields and past the temple which had a big marquee outside with singing blasting from the loudspeakers. Sometimes kids would wave as we went past, we were definitely off the tourist circuit here.

The road went up along the valley side and we were constantly dodging potholes, buses and Nepali tractors. We descended into the next valley which was covered in rice fields. We had a near miss as Shiba turned down onto a dirt track and nearly smacked us against a wall. He clearly doesn’t ride the bike too often! This track wound through the rice fields and was very rocky and hard going as the bike passenger. On one section I had to get off as the bike wasn’t powerful enough to get up the slope, and when I got back on afterwards it toppled, nearly squashing us. We passed locals carrying grass and sickles, and Shiba greeted them. Soon we reached a collection of houses near the road and we stopped. I gratefully got off, my legs were killing me after being in a straddle position for two hours.

Shiba led me down to his house which was a basic affair similar to the ones we’d seen in the mountains, with a dusty porch, an outside water tap and a buffalo in an attached shed, whose eyes opened in alarm when she saw me.

Shiba’s two sons, 6 and 12 years old, plus another 6 year old friend greeted me, followed by Shiba’s wife.

His house was surrounded by rice fields and looked out to the valley with a nice view. After some hot buffalo milk from his buffalo, Shiba’s neighbor arrived who was a local IT teacher and spoke English. After chatting with him, Shiba and his wife went to work on their couple of rice fields, collecting the rice to dry.

I offered to help but Shiba was having none of it and tasked his 12 year old son to give me a tour of the area. His son spoke very good English for his age, and led me through the rice fields to the river in the valleys middle, telling me about the local people and his life. He was at private school, paid for by his father, and liked maths and science. He climbed a guava tree and picked us some juicy but bitter fruits to eat.

He did very well in his exams and wanted to show me!

The rice paddies in the field weren’t ready for harvest yet and their muddy soil had little puddles. The fields were alive with grasshoppers everywhere. We found a little fish in one, who wouldn’t be around for long as they were drying up. At the river was a small white stork.

In a field nearby, we passed a local man who was threshing rice, who greeted us. We watched as he battered big clumps of it on the ground, dislodging the rice from the stems.

AlanStock-1060786

Up by the road we a family working together, who said hello. One guy carrying a massive load spoke English and let me take his photo.

Shiba’s son led me up the hill behind their house where we had nice views of the surrounding valley. We munched on a packet of instant noodles which he ate like crisps. Surprisingly as they were flavoured they weren’t too bad!

Up by a house in the woods a man called out to us and came jogging along the path. He wanted to invite me to have tea at his house, and he spoke English too. We went up to his house and chatted a bit, he lived there with his wife and son and although he was quite rich and owned two other houses elsewhere, he preferred this one as the air was clean outside of the city.

He offered that I could stay the night if I liked, and that he’d had an American stay last year. I got a call from Shiba saying that lunch was waiting for us so I had to apologise to the man and make a move, after taking some photos of him and his family.

These local kids came to say hello on the way down.

Back at Shibas we had some noodles and biscuits. Shibas sons messed around and I joined them to watch some TV in Shibas bedroom. Then I showed them some photos on the computer which they loved. The camera was also fascinating to them.I spent a while transferring photos from the trekking to Shibas memory card so he could have them, as the kids played around me and messed around with my Kindle Touch which they loved.

By this point Shiba and his wife had made a good stack of rice to dry and he put a flower on top as a blessing. After a few days of drying, they’d get it taken to the local mill for shelling, and then it could be sold. He told me that rice is quite expensive to produce and hard work, without a great deal of profit.

Me and Shiba’s son chatted and he mucked out the buffalo, which wasn’t scared of me any more now she was used to me. She was a very friendly buffalo and the kids could hug her and run and hide behind her with no problems. We ate yet another meal, homemade roti (circular flat breads) with honey. This was prepared in a simple kitchen.

Upstairs was a nice loft full of drying corns. All water, drinking and otherwise, came from the outside tap, which Shiba pays a set price for water. The water is boiled for drinking. With my sunglasses on I joked I was a policeman. Shiba brought out a passport soon afterwards and said I could have it and maybe I could get him into the UK. I wasn’t sure if he was serious or not but tried to explain I wasn’t in any position to help him. I wondered if the hospitality was so I could help get Shiba into the UK, as it’s very hard for Nepali to get in. Even if this was the case they were still a very nice family and I wouldn’t have begrudged them for it.

The sun was getting low and I had to get back. The motorbike ride in the dim light was pretty hairy. The bike stalled quite a few times leaving us wondering if we’d have to walk. Then we got stuck behind a bus trailing so much dust we could hardly see. Then it started raining and the roads became slippy, made worse by the darkness making it very hard to see potholes and speed bumps. As we entered Pokhara the traffic became very busy and we had some near misses with traffic, especially at a chaotic roundabout which was a free for all. There weren’t street lights in many parts of town and people would just walk out into the road in front of you. Some other vehicles had no lights and would suddenly appear out of nowhere. We got to my hotel in one piece and I gave Shiba a donation for petrol and to buy his kids some treats. I thanked him for giving me a nice insight into the lives of the locals.

Later I met Anja and the guys for dinner. They’d had a nice day up at the Peace Pagoda and then at the Tibetan refugee camp I’d visited before, although Nick had a Tibetan friend so they’d been able to meet the locals there. We returned to their hotel to drink and play dice.

Despite my protests he still wanted to show off his action hero skills!

Alan Stock Photography

My travelling (mis)adventures. It's ok to cry.

Tag Archives: Traditional

A Nepali Wedding

Day 89 – Location: Karmidanda Village, Langtang Region; Nepal

Shiba’s Traditional Nepali House

Day 50 – Pokhara Region, Nepal.